2012-02-05T23:50:59-05:00 Kove 2011-08-26T21:31:05Z

You shake your head at your own foolishness. This gives the leopard just the opening it needs to pounce. Its claws have severed your femoral artery. It really, really, hurts.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/58 2010-10-09T03:00:06Z

Turns out it isn't so bad. In fact, it's kinda nice. YOU LOVE THE ASSRAPE SO MUCH, MAN. IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/57 2010-10-09T02:50:36Z

Mmmmnope, you're not going anywhere, buddy. This table is going to rape you.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/56 2010-10-09T02:48:50Z

The massage is starting to feel quite nice. Your back used to be super tense, but the massage has loosened you up. It's when you see something very phallic and bumpy headed toward your assmeats when you really start to panic.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/55 2010-08-20T17:43:50Z

You attempt to get up and run, but forgot to pull up your pants, which causes you to trip and fall. You land with a thud and quickly look around to see if anyone saw what happened. The cheetah and leopard appear to have settled their differences... most peaceably. They'll both be occupied for awhile. On the upside, your fall revealed the presence of a Slim-Jim brand meant-snack in your pocket, so you've got that going for you.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/32 2010-08-20T05:40:35Z

You suddenly remember Ray Bradbury's "The Veldt" and wonder if this current situation has anything to do with refusing to bring little Sally to the zoo last week. The kids and their technology these days.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/54 2010-08-20T04:08:16Z

Wrong. An alarm starts blaring, the lights turn red and gas fills the room. You're dead.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/53 2010-08-20T04:07:52Z

Wrong. An alarm starts blaring, the lights turn red and gas fills the room. You're dead.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/52 2010-08-20T04:07:04Z

The screen says, "Welcome back Phil, would you like your usual?" You're not Phil, and you're not sure about his "usual."

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/48 2010-08-20T04:06:17Z

The message reads, "Hey Phil, I need those results from your study as soon as you can get them. We have had weird reports about people being mauled by leopards near you, but no one can identify the bodies. You don't even want to know what the cheetahs have been doing to people. Thanks, Morgan"

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/51 2010-08-20T04:01:01Z

The lights immediately dim and the computer desk folds into the floor. A massage table drops from the ceiling and you are picked up by a mechanical arm that came out of nowhere. You try to squirm out of its grip, but you can't. The arm places you onto the table and begins to massage you.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/50 2010-08-20T03:58:17Z

The screen says, "Massage sequence aborted. You have 1 unread message."

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/49 2010-08-20T03:54:22Z

Wrong. An alarm starts blaring, the lights turn red and gas fills the room. You're dead.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/47 2010-08-20T03:52:59Z

The computer is a late 80's era 286 PC under the brand Epson Equity 2. It has a 5.25" floppy drive and a "turbo" button, whatever the hell that means. On the screen is a command prompt that reads, "please enter a password."

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/46 2010-08-20T01:56:29Z

Well, there's no getting around it. You're stuck in some forest all by yourself with nothing but your wits and what appears to be a Slim Jim in your pants pocket. At least your pants have held up so far. You've just decided to knuckle-up and start walking when you hear what sounds like a scream coming from the hole you woke up next to.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/45 2010-08-20T01:52:59Z

You shout with as much fury as you can muster, which to be honest isn't much. Now your throat hurts and your headache has been intensified several notches. The only response you get is the rustling of some branches and a slight echo. You're super thirsty.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/2 2010-08-19T09:41:02Z

As soon as you're sure that you're a safe distance away from the leopard, you begin to run in the opposite direction of the jungle cat, hoping he didn't notice you. After five whole minutes of a steady sprint, you look back. Lucky you! He didn't even notice you were gone. It's a good thing you didn't eat that slim-jim earlier.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/44 2010-08-18T23:26:25Z

you look in your pockets and you don't find anything else edible, but you do notice that the glare seems to have been cut down quite a bit from the sun. Your headache seems to have vanished as well. You find a pack of Kools and stratch your head: you don't smoke cools and you have a key-chain flashlight but no lighter. You keep walking though the trees, feeling much refreshed, like you could walk for days.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/31 2010-08-18T12:09:08Z

You follow your newfound feeling and continue walking through the trees. For 3 days straight, actually. How you did it without dieing of thirst or an exploded bladder, no one will ever know. Suddenly, you smell something that takes you out of your walky trance, and you immediately piss yourself. Ignoring your urine soaked trousers, you look up and see smoke rising above the trees.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/43 2010-08-18T05:28:19Z

You reach out, edge closer and closer to the leopard and with a shaking hand, pet the animal on the head. You say "good leopard" and "nice, nice full leopard." It looks up absently as it munches the slim-jim.

http://kove.extrafuture.com/p/42